


The Captain's Woman

by youvebeenlivingfictional



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of past abuse, Not Beta Read, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Pre!Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youvebeenlivingfictional/pseuds/youvebeenlivingfictional
Summary: In the Terran Empire, wanting to survive wasn't enough.
Relationships: Christopher Pike/Reader, Mirror Christopher Pike/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 112





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I was rewatching the ToS episode of Mirror, Mirror and that’s where I got this... Idea. Considering going on with this? So.

“She’s not like Michael.”   
  
She was warning him, wasn’t she? I stopped listening after that. An indictment, surely. I was not like Michael - I was not ruthless, not a strategist. Not bloodthirsty.   
  
Because in the Terran Empire, it wasn’t enough, to just want to survive.   
  
“Girl.”   
  
I lifted my eyes to the Emperor. It was rare that she made an appearance even by hologram. I had been told days ago that I would be relocated to the ISS Enterprise, and put into the service of one of the Emperor’s most loyal captains. I’d had one last (primarily) quiet dinner with Michael, the closest person I had to family, before I was primped and packed into my finest clothing.   
  
The Emperor watched me expectantly, and I stepped forward as she nodded me off of the transporter pad. I lowered my eyes rather than meet his, or that of any of his crew.   
  
“She’ll do as she’s told. I do think I’ve managed to rid her of her stubbornness.”  
  
My jaw clenched for only seconds at the memory of my hours spent in Agonizers; of the almost careless force of backhands from the one I was meant to call ‘mother’.   
  
“You’re very generous, Emperor.”   
  
I’d heard his voice before, enough to recognize the timber of it.  
  
“You’re one of my best, Pike,” The Emperor said. I raised my eyes to her hologram again.   
  
“Don’t fail me,” She ordered, and for the life of me I couldn’t tell if she was addressing me, or him. The hologram flickered to darkness, leaving me in a room full of strangers. I didn’t meet Pike’s eye - I hadn’t been addressed yet.   
  
It seemed I wouldn’t be.   
  
“Number One, escort her to my quarters,” And then the clicking of his heels, signaling his retreat.   
  
“Come on, then.” I raised to the source of the bored voice. She was stunning, with clear blue eyes and full, pouting lips. She gestured for me to follow with a nod of her head, and I did so. I had never been on another ship but the Imperial flagship, and I did my best to keep my eyes to myself. The amused look on Number One’s face told me that I was failing miserably.   
  
We came to stop in front of the captain’s quarters. I watched Number One’s fingers dance over the keypad to gain us entry. I lowered my eyes as she turned to look at me, as though I hadn’t watched.  
  
“In, go on,” She urged as the doors ‘whoosh’ed open. I stepped in past her, careful where my eyes wandered.   
  
“Are you hungry?” Number One asked.   
  
“No.”  
  
“Thirsty?”   
  
“No.”  
  
“Tired?”   
  
“No.” I more felt than heard Number One’s scoff.   
  
“You can stay here. Don’t touch anything. The Captain is very particular about his things. Is that understood?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
Number One gave no goodbye, no other orders, just the ‘whoosh’ of the doors closing behind her. I turned, looking at them before turning back to look around the quarters. They were sizable; bigger than Michael’s, even. There was a sitting room with what looked like a bedroom off of it. The sitting room was sparse in decoration; shelves lining the walls, covered with maps, PADDs, books. But, no art, no holos. Whoever this Captain Pike was, he was no a sentimental man.   
  
I wandered closer to the shelf closest to the window. I looked over it, curious but cautious, as if the Captain, or Number One, of the Emperor would jump out at me at any moment.   
  
There were PADDs of varying wear-and-tear; and _books_. I’d only ever seen them, but had never been permitted to touch. I raised my hand, stroking a finger over the spine. I lowered my eyes further to a pair of antique guns in a box, a remnant of Earth.   
  
I stepped back from the shelf, turning to the window. I clasped my hands behind my back, and waited.   
  
\--

“You been standing there the whole time?”   
  
I was moderately certain that the question was rhetorical. I had been able to spot four cameras in the room; one placed outright in the corner and the other three hidden among the Captain’s few things. No doubt the Captain had checked in a few times to see what I was up to.   
  
“Yes, sir,” I said. He grunted, stepping further inside.   
  
“Didn’t Number One tell you to make yourself comfortable?”   
  
I took the risk of not answering that. Surely the Captain knew his first officer well enough that he didn’t think anything having to do with comfort would ever come out of her mouth.   
  
“Take a load off. Surely your feet must be tired,” Pike added. I lowered myself to the couch in front of the window.   
  
“You hungry?” He asked. I hesitated.   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Very?”   
  
“Moderately.”   
  
Pike grunted again, bringing his communicator to his lips.   
  
“What do you want?” He asked. I floundered - usually a plate was set in front of me, I didn’t have a say in what was on it.   
  
“Oh... Anything,” I managed. I felt stupid under the weight of Pike’s unimpressed gaze. I turned my head as he ordered our dinner.  
  
“Have you gone in there yet?” I looked up, and he nodded back to the bedroom. I shook my head once and he waved me in. I stood, following him inside.   
  
It was nearly as sparse as his sitting room; one large window, two closets lining the walls on the far side.  
  
“The bathroom is through there,” Pike pointed before gesturing to the closet on the left.   
  
“The clothing that the Emperor sent is already in there. There wasn’t much,” Pike commented. I gave a nod.   
  
“Thank you, sir.”   
  
“If you’re uncomfortable sleeping with me, you can sleep on the couch through there,” Pike offered, stepping around me to head for the closer.   
  
“Understood, sir.”   
  
“And don’t-- Don’t call me that when we’re alone. Chris or Christopher will do fine.”   
  
“...Understood, Christopher.”   
  
I averted my eyes as he began to change out of his uniform.   
  
“Tell me,” he said, “Did the Emperor send you to kill me?”   
  
“She didn’t.” Pike drifted back into my field of vision to look at me. I raised my eyes, taking in the scars that littered his torso before I met his eyes.   
  
“You sure?”   
  
“Yes. Though, if she had, I likely wouldn’t tell you.” A smile lifted the corner of his mouth. It was lovely.   
  
“You strike me as the honest type,” he commented, “though I’m inclined to not believe you in this instance.”   
  
“Is there anything I can do to prove my innocence? Besides not killing you, I mean.” That earned me a full smile.   
  
“Let me get back to you on that."  
  
\--  
  
We spoke little for the rest of the evening. Pike gave me a PADD (”For your use whenever you like. I suspect you’ll start to plot if you get bored”). I was certain he’d be able to monitor anything I did on it, but I had no places to do anything nefarious.   
  
That night, we climbed into bed together. Pike rolled onto his side, facing away from me, and I followed suit. If I didn’t think about it too hard, it was like I was still sleeping alone. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had been on the Enterprise for eight solar days. I hadn't left Pike's quarters sine I'd arrived in them, or spoken to anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read

"Up. We're going to the bridge." I pushed myself up, rubbing my eyes blearily, eyeing Number One.   
  
"Did I do something?" I asked.   
  
"Up," Number One repeated. I stood, walking over to my wardrobe to dress. I had been on the Enterprise for eight solar days. I hadn't left Pike's quarters since I'd arrived in them, or spoken to anyone else. I reached back to do up my zipper. Still half-asleep, I hadn't heard Number One come closer, and I flinched, shoulders tensing and shaking when she pushed my hands away to do it up herself.   
  
There was a pause, and I forced my shoulders to relax as she did the zipper up. "Come on."   
  
I followed her out, making the trip to the bridge in silence. The turbolift doors open to the bridge, and I felt the eyes of the entire crew on me. I kept my face set in an unaffected expression, knowing from experience that any open sign of interest or weakness would be picked apart.   
  
My attention was drawn away from the on-lookers as Pike rose from his chair, coming closer.   
  
"Welcome to the bridge," He gave Number One a small nod, dismissing her. I watched after her before I turned back to him.   
  
"You wanted to see me?" I asked. He took hold of my elbow, steering me back into the turbolift. I waited until the doors had shut to ask, "Have I done something?" I could feel Pike casting me a look.   
  
"You've done quite the opposite of something. I've hardly seen you move in a week. If I didn't know better, I'd think the Emperor had sent me a statue." I pursed my lips, lowering my eyes.   
  
"Are you sending me back?"   
  
"No. I didn't get the chance to show you around the ship when you arrived. I thought that might be why you haven't left my quarters."   
  
"I didn't know I could." There was a pause before Pike stepped in front of me. He tucked two fingers under my chin, lifting my head to meet his eye.   
  
"You're not a prisoner, you're not confined to quarters. You're under _my_ protection on this ship. Understand?" “  
  
"Yes, sir," I said quietly. Pike gave a firm nod before he stepped off of the turbo lift.   
  
\--   
  
"You're positive you're not here to kill me?" It was more of a teasing question this time, but I was growing annoyed with it.   
  
"If the Emperor wanted to kill you, she would've sent Michael," I said firmly.   
  
"Then why _did_ she send you?" Pike asked. I pushed my food around on my plate rather than answer.   
  
"How long have you been captain?" I asked.   
  
"Why do you ask?"   
  
"I'm just trying to learn about you. Is that so bad?"   
  
"Won't getting to know me make it harder to kill me?"   
  
"Please stop that," I said, raising my eyes sharply to his. A flash of surprise crossed his face.   
  
"...Alright. Be an awful assassin to warn me, anyway," He said, reaching for his drink. I huffed, shaking my head and looking out of the window.   
  
"Where'd the Emperor find you?" Pike asked.   
  
"I asked you a question first," I reminded him.   
  
"Six years," He told me.  
  
"Do you like it?"   
  
“Oh no you don't. I asked you a question, too." I looked back to him to find a playful glint in his eye.   
  
"... The Emperor found me the remains of a freighter. It had been attacked by Klingons."   
  
"How old were you?"   
  
"Three. Did you always want to be a captain?"   
  
"No."  
  
"What changed?"   
  
"I did. Why did the Emperor send you?"   
  
"I hadn't done anything so bad lately that warranted an Agonizer."   
  
"So she sent you to me."   
  
" _Gave_ me to you. I think she was bored with me."   
  
"Not enough to kill you. That's unlike her."   
  
"She's like a mother to me." The sentence came out flat, robotic; no wonder, I'd said it a hundred times. I couldn't remember the last time I'd meant it.   
  
"You think she's going soft?" Pike asked. I laughed, unable to help it.   
  
"I think if she killed me, Captain Burnham would never forgive her. And she's not risking that." Pike's brows rose and I realized I had said too much.   
  
\--  
  
"Now that you know where everything is, I don't want you sulking around here all the time," Pike said, "Is that understood?"  
  
"Yes, Christopher," I said, following him into the bedroom. I watched in silence for a moment as he fumbled with his chest piece before I stepped forward.   
  
"Here," I said, gently pushing his fingers away from the fastener to work at it myself. I felt him watching me closely, but I focused on my task. I lifted it over his head, stepping away to replace it where I'd seen him deposit it the day before.   
  
\--  
 _  
"I did warn you not to disappoint me again, didn't I?"  
_ _  
"But mother, I--"  
_ _  
"Highest setting. Now."  
_ _  
I opened my mouth to apologize, but all I could do was scream in pain.  
  
__\--  
_ _  
"_ Stop-- Wake up, it's me. It's _me_!" My eyes opened, gasping for air. There were two hands gripping my shoulders tightly, shaking me. My eyes adjusted to the dark to find Pike staring down at me, harried. 

"What-- What was--" I panted. 

"You were having a nightmare." I could feel my heart pounding, and I swallowed thickly before taking a deep breath.   
  
"I'm so-- I'm sorry," I managed. Pike's grip loosened, but he didn't let go. I couldn't bring myself to look at him; I realized my face was wet with tears. I lightly shook him off, slipping out of bed and half-running to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door behind myself, sliding down against it and furiously scrubbing at my face, as if it could make Pike unsee what he saw. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have an incoming transmission from the Imperial Star Ship Shenzhou."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the encouragement to continue!

"You have an incoming transmission from the Imperial Star Ship Shenzhou." I perked up, setting my PADD aside at the sound of Number One's voice. I straightened, smoothing my hands over my clothing.

"Open the channel," I said. Michael flickered to life on the holo in front of me, and I didn't bother trying to hide my smile.

"Well, sister," She said, "I see you're relaxed... And fully clothed." I pushed a breath of frustration out through my nose.

"I told you before I left that I would not just become his plaything," I said sternly. Michael's lip curled.

"Have you become his anything?" I didn't answer. It had hardly been a week, but she was already implying that I had not done my duty.

"I told you," She said lowly, "That you need to make yourself indispensable."

"This man does not need anything," I said lightly. She frowned, stern.

"Everyone needs something," She said pointedly, "Find out what it is he needs, and fill that gap. You know what Mother will do if he returns you to us." I felt a chill run own my spine at the thought and I averted my eyes, clenching my fist to steady myself.

"Take heart, sister," Michael added softly before the holo disappeared.   
  
—

  
“What brings you to the bridge?” Pike asked curiously. I shrugged a shoulder.  
  
“There’s only so much I can do on my PADD.” He nodded, turning back to the viewscreen again.   
  
“Where are we going?” I asked curiously. 

“The Emperor ordered us to scout out a rebel party in the Pergamum Nebula,” Number One answered. 

“The Pergamum?” I repeated. 

“You know it?” Pike asked. I could feel him looking up at me. I nodded a little. 

“I know it,” I mumbled. 

“Who was that transmission from?” Number One turned in her seat, watching me. I raised a brow. 

“You say that as if you didn’t listen in,” I retorted. There was a moment of quiet on the bridge. Number One’s eyes darted to Pike before she turned her chair to face the viewsceen again. Her silence told me I was right. I rolled my eyes before looking back down at the Captain. 

“Is there anything you need of me?” 

“No. Dismissed.” 

“Yes sir,” I nodded before I turned on my heel, leaving the bridge. 

— 

_Going into the Pergamum. Will be unreachable._  
  
— 

I sent the message to Michael, encoded and unsigned. She would know who it was from. The subspace frequency that we used to send those messages to one another would be impossible to send and receive in the Pergamum; the frequent ion storms disrupted the signal. 

The _Pergamum_. 

I walked around the Enterprise on autopilot for what had to be hours, walking the same corridors, passing the same faces and taking none of it in. 

—

“There you are.” I looked up when I heard Pike’s voice. 

“Here I am,” I confirmed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were looking for me.” Pike waved the apology off, sitting beside me. 

“Most people don’t know this is here, you know,” He said. That didn’t surprise me; I had stumbled on the small lounge by accident, taking a wrong turn back to the Turbolift. Not that I was going to admit that. 

“So who was that transmission from?” Pike asked. I almost smiled. 

“Straight to the point, as usual.” 

“Evading the question as usual.” 

“It was from my sister. She…Wanted to see how I was adjusting. It’s strange, I haven’t been away from her for more than a solar day or two at a time for as long as I can remember.” 

“How did you know Number One was listening in?” I cast Pike a sidelong glance, and he offered me small smile. 

“She didn’t tell me what was said, but she classified the conversation at a threat level of one.” 

“How generous of her,” I deadpanned. 

“It is, considering I usually get a full rundown of nearly everyone’s transmissions, regardless of threat level. Last time I learned that one of my officers has been illegally betting on an underground interplanetary baseball league.” 

“Baseball? I didn’t know anyone played that anymore.” 

“Apparently at least nine people do.” 

“Why did you come looking for me?” I asked. 

“You weren’t in my quarters. I’d grown used to the sight of you when I come in.”

“Did it alarm you that I wasn’t there?”

“I told you that you had the freedom to go anywhere on this ship.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” His small smile widened. 

“Alarm is not the word I’d use. It felt like there was something…Missing.” 

“If you want me in your quarters when you return, I will be there.” 

“Good.” He stood, and I followed suit, not needing to be told to.

As we ate dinner, looking at one another a little and speaking less, I wondered if this was what this man needed. Consistency. Life in the Empire was nothing if not tumultuous; crew members could be bloodthirsty, dangerous. But I had seen little of that on the Enterprise. Maybe it was the wide berth that the rest of the crew gave me, terrified to interact on the off-chance they offended their Captain, got caught, and wound up airlocked. But there was something about the way Pike interacted with his crew. A patience, almost, that I had never seen on any other starship. 

“You visited the Bridge today,” he commented as we changed for bed, “I’d like you to do that more.” 

“May I ask why?” I sat on the bed, folding my legs up under myself. 

“Because I’m asking you to.” The hard edge in his voice told me I was pushing it, and I lowered my eyes again. It was the same pointed dismissive tone that he’d reacted to me with at first, when he’d simply told Number One to put me in his room. 

“I will,” I said. 

“…Thank you.” The response was so soft I nearly didn’t hear it, and my snapped up to look at him, stunned. He had this look on his face, something a little regretful, almost guilty. It disappeared in a moment, and he turned away to finish changing. I moved, getting under the covers as he settled in beside me, the room darkening. 

“…Goodnight, Christopher,” I said quietly. There was a pause before I heard a mumble of, “Night.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't put all my eggs in that basket. Survival and comfort did not go hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read  
> No warnings for this chapter

I was jolted awake at the feeling of the ship rocking. I frowned, looking around to the window. I felt Pike’s arm tighten around my waist, and I looked down, surprised to find him holding to me. Pikes' communicator beeped and I groaned. I rested my hand on Pike’s arm, giving him a light shake.   
  
“Christopher,” I mumbled. He grunted, pressing his face into my shoulder.   
  
“Christopher,” I stressed, “Your communicator is beeping.”   
  
Pike finally lifted his head. He reached behind himself, picking up the communicator and mumbling, “Pike.”   
  
I should've listened the the conversation, but I was hardly awake. I felt Pike move away, and I shivered at the feeling of cold air behind me. I rolled over, curling into his side; I rested my hand on his chest and closed my eyes. There was a pause in his words before his hand rested his my shoulder.   
  
"Pike out." I heard the 'thunk' of his communicator being placed back on the bedside table.   
  
"We've entered the Pergamum," He told me. I grunted my acknowledgement as he settled back down.   
  
"Number One woke you up just for that?" I asked.   
  
"I asked her to tell me when we got there."   
  
"What was that...Turbulence?"   
  
"Ion storm."   
  
"Pergamum," I grumbled, sliding my leg over his. 

"You don't like being woken up, do you?" Christopher asked. I shook my head.   
  
"Don't," I agreed, rubbing my thumb over his shoulder.   
  
"Maybe it's for the best I never asked you to join me on the bridge first thing." I tipped my head up, blinking sleepily at him in the dark.   
  
"I would," I said, "If you asked me to." Christopher lifted his hand from my shoulder, lightly smoothing my hair back.   
  
"I'm sure you would." If I didn't know better, I would've sworn I heard a smile in his voice.

"Go back to sleep," He added. I didn't hesitate to do as he told me this time.

\-- 

  
I woke up alone.   
  
I was used to that, of course. I had a hazy half-memory of Pike untangling himself from me and getting up to get ready. I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes before I gazed out of the window. I recognized the swirl of dark red clouds, spotted the odd flash of lightning. I sighed, sliding off of the bed to dress.

Pike's touches had been new, and not unwelcome. As a child of the Emperor, there had been suitors, sure, with rough hands and harsh tugs. Michael had been my guardian when those meetings were arranged, would be on them in seconds, a blade to their throat or a phaser to their guts. Maybe it was a respect for the Emperor, or... perhaps an interest in me that had led to Pike touching me so softly. I gave myself a moment to take comfort in the thought before I shook it out of my head. I couldn't put all my eggs in that basket. Survival and comfort did not go hand in hand.   
  
\--   
  
"Found anything yet?" I tried to sound as uninterested as possible. The fact of the matter was, unless the Emperor changed her mind, we'd be out of Pergamum as soon as the rebel party was found and eradicated.   
  
"No," Pike commented. I hesitated before I perched on the edge of the arm of the chair, careful to avoid the controls as I always did when I was with Michael. If Pike didn't want me there, he'd let me know soon enough.   
  
No shooing or nudges came. I felt Pike's eyes on me for a few moments before he turned his attention back to his crew.   
  
"Captain, we're getting a transmission from the ISS Saragollas," Number One informed him. I made to stand and leave, but Pike rested his hand on my thigh, stilling me. 

"On screen," he ordered. The image flickered alive in short order, and we were face to face with Captain Marcellus Ryan. I'd only met him a couple of times, but I'd heard more than my fair share about him from Michael. He was just the type of man the emperor admired: ruthless, cunning, and always looking to better his position-- within reason. 

"Pike," Marcellus greeted, lips twisting into a cruel smile. 

"Ryan. What brings you to the Pergamum?" Pike asked. His hand was still on my thigh, and he seemed in no hurry to move it. 

"Same as you: an order from our dear Emperor."   
  
"Have you found anything?"   
  
"Not yet. But I thought we could make this a ..." Marcellus' eyes caught on me then, for a moment, before they flitted back to Pike, "Game of sorts." I looked down at Pike, spotting the corner of his mouth lifting in interest.   
  
"I'm always up for a challenge."   
  
"First to take out the rebel ship gets anything from the other's ship that they desire."   
  
"Anything?" Pike repeated, brow furrowing.   
  
Marcellus' affirming, " _Anything,"_ Gave me pause. I lifted my eyes back to the viewscreen. Marcellus was watching me again, with a look that was more a threat than a promise.  
  
At the lack of Pike's answer, Number One turned to look at the Captain, to prompt him into speaking. It took him another moment, still, but he finally said,   
  
"You're on, Ryan."   
  
"Excellent," Ryan said before abruptly ending the transmission. Number One had yet to tun her chair from us; Pike's hand was still on my thigh, holding tight like I'd be beamed onto the Saragollas if he let go.

"He has a lead," Number One said. My eyes travelled to her, to the thin line of her mouth, "He wouldn't challenge you if he didn't."   
  
Pike stood, hand lifting from my thigh in favor of gripping me lightly by the upper arm and steering me toward the turbolift.   
  
"Get together three scouting parties, I want this quadrant swept within the next hour," He ordered Number One before the doors shut behind him. He stabbed at a button before turning on me.   
  
"Do you know him?" He asked.  
  
"Of him. We've met."   
  
"Who else would know you've been transferred to the Enterprise?"   
  
"Just Michael, but I don't know if she told anyone, or if the Emperor did-- I don't know."  
  
Pike turned away again, stony silent, considering.   
  
"Why would he be after you?" He asked after a moment.   
  
Michael had told me once that Marcellus had a habit of collecting people and things deemed strange or exotic; things that would raise his standing with the Emperor, with other Imperial captains. If Macellus was the first to recognize my new place on the Enterprise, it was a sign that this would soon be a fact well-known in the Empire.   
  
"Because he wants a trophy," I said after a few moments.   
  
"Tell me now," Pike said, taking me by my shoulders, to make me look at him, "Do you want to go with him?"   
  
"Is that really what you think I want? To just be passed from ship to ship like some _thing_?" I snapped. Everything in me chastised me for the harsh response; it had never been met with a favorable response in my past.   
  
But I saw Pike's face soften, his lips pressing into a concerned line. He nodded, letting go of me and leading the way out of the turbolfit and to his quarters.  
  
"Pack a bag," He ordered, nodding into the bedroom. My blood ran cold; I was sure all the color drained from my face.   
  
"What?" I asked, shakily, "But I just said--"   
  
"I know what you said. If Number One is right, there's a chance that Captain Ryan will find the rebel party before we do. He can't take you if you're not on the ship when he does." Pike searched my face.   
  
"Do you trust me?" He asked.   
  
“Yes,” I spoke without hesitation; despite our fairly short time together, I _did_ trust him. He had never once deceived me, or acted in an underhanded way toward me. Pike gave me another nod. 

"Then pack a bag. I'm sending you out with a scouting party into the Pergamum." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My mind was going in circles at a mile a minute, and I was making myself dizzy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klingon translations for later down the chapter: 
> 
> *take the little one to the brig
> 
> **get the girl

I had still been packing when the Captain had given the scouting party their briefing but if the wary looks they were giving me was anything to go by, it had come with a hearty warning about me. I hadn't seen Pike before I'd been loaded onto the vessel; I had seen Number One.   
  
She had given me a Phaser; her expression had a warning, a wordless ' _don't you dare_ '. As much as the Captain's first-in-command scared me, I knew that I would take any necessary actions to to protect my own life - if the need arose.   
  
I had settled myself behind the pilot's seat, my bag between my feet and the Phaser tucked into the inside pocket of my oversized coat. I'd watched the Enterprise out the window until I couldn't see it anymore. I couldn't stop my leg from bouncing, and I found my fingers itching for the Phaser, if not to take action, but to prove that I even _had_ it.   
  
Not that that would do any good. I wasn't going to take any action against the crew - there were five of them, and one of me. Even If I did manage to overpower them and commandeer the vessel, what would I do? Go back to my mother, explain the blood-thirsty action was taken in her honor, and that I realized I needed to do better by her? I'd be able to shield myself from the Enterprise's wrath behind Michael for a time, perhaps.   
  
But I couldn't bring myself to do that to Pike.   
  
He'd put me on the shuttle to protect me.   
  
... Unless of course this was all a ruse, he _did_ plan on killing me, and he'd sent me along with a scouting party to have me killed and make it look like an accident. But then, why would he have ordered Number One to give me a phaser? Unless Number One had acted of her own volition?  
  
My mind was going in circles at a mile a minute, and I was making myself dizzy. 

"Up ahead." 

The voice of the pilot broke through my thoughts, and I leaned forward to see what they were talking about. 

It was a warbird; it looked dark, blown to hell. 

"Romulan?" Another asked. 

"Klingon," I corrected, ignoring the sharp looks cut in my direction. 

"No life signs on board," Nhan reported; I'd seen her on the bridge the few times I'd visited. 

  
"Might be munitions on board," Connolly offered (the one betting illegally on the baseball team, I'd found out). 

"What do we do with her?" Five sets of eyes settled on me, and i fought the urge to shrink back. 

"You're coming with us," Nhan said flatly, nodding me toward the back of the ship. I reluctantly stood, following her and Connolly. 

"Stay close to us," She said, nodding to the man. He and I eyed one another warily. I only looked away to take the EV mask that Nhan held out to me. 

"Why do you need me to board with you?" I asked. 

"Because," was Connolly's flat, dead-end response. Nhan stepped into my field of vision, holding the grip of a Phaser out to me. 

"You know how to use this?" 

Another Phaser? They must not know I had one on me in the first place. I nodded, and she passed it to me. 

"The last thing we need is for you to try and jettison yourself into the Nebula," Nhan answered the question Connolly wouldn't. 

"You turn that on either one of us and you'll never make it back to the Enterprise," Connolly warned. I didn't answer, instead activating my EV mask as we boarded the warbird. 

The vessel was eerily silent. I hated abandoned ships - the dreaded quiet where there should've been the hum of machinery, activity, life. Our boots thudded along the hall as we crept about, Phasers in our hands and at the ready. 

"Which way to the bridge, do you think?" Connolly asked, looking around. I recognized the narrow corridor, could practically hear the bark of, _'IoQ wa'neh brig puHich'_. I shivered at the memory before directing them to the right. 

"It's that way." 

Connolly and Nhan frowned at one another, not even bothering to hide their skepticism. 

"What have I got to gain by lying to you?" I asked. They hesitated before Nhan took the lead. I followed behind, with Connolly bringing up the rear. We found the bridge in a matter of minutes. Nhan hurried ahead to the damaged control panel, tucking her phaser into its holster. 

"How did you know?" Connolly asked, looking around. I shrugged, lowering my own phased. 

"I was taken captive by Klingons as a child, passed between a few different ships. Some features vary from model to model, but the layout is basically the same." Connolly grunted. 

"Stay here," he ordered before disappearing down the hall. I turned to look at Nhan, who was deeply immersed in her work. 

"Can you read Klingon?" Nhan asked. 

"No," I shook my head before wandering over to the window. 

"...We should go soon," I warned, "If those clouds are anything to go by, a storm it on the way. It'll make it difficult to beam back to the ship." 

"Pike's or not, you aren't in any place to give us orders," Connolly sneered as he came back onto the bridge. I turned to face him, glaring. 

  
"No ammo?" Nhan asked. 

"Nothing," Connolly confirmed. 

"It wasn't an order, it was a _suggestion,"_ I corrected. 

"Then put a cap on that suggestion until you're back on the Enterprise with someone that actually wants to hear it." 

I didn't bother to mention that I was moderately certain the Captain couldn't give a tribble's ass what I thought, but I didn't have time. 

"We have incoming," Nhan warned. I hardly had time to draw my Phaser before a half dozen Klingons materialized on the bridge, nearly distinguishable in their armor, save for their forehead ridges under their helmets. I dove behind a control panel, Phaser clutched to my chest as enemy fire whizzed past my head. Connolly was by my side in seconds, crouching down, raising his head and Phaser every few seconds to return fire. 

"Cover me!" I looked to my left to see Nhan crouched behind a console. I nodded, steeling myself before I stood, raising my Phaser and firing at one advancing Klingon. I managed to strike one, catching them between their helmet and chest plate. I dropped back down between Nhan and Connolly. 

"There's a weakness in their armor, around the neck," I reported, resting my head back against the console, "What's the plan?" 

"Depends, how many are left?" 

"Four," Connolly reported, "And they've blocked the exits." 

"I think we found the rebel party," I grimaced. 

"See if you can get a lock on the Enterprise," Nhan said, shoving a Communicator into my hands and taking my phaser. Before I could argue, she stood with Connolly. I fumbled with the Communicator, bringing it to my lips. 

"Enterprise, come in, Enterprise!" I could hardly hear myself over the commotion of the fight; I didn't dare look. I heard crackling from the other end of the Comm and I hurried, rattling off our coordinates. I'd been so caught up on being accurate that I hadn't seen a Klingon round to my cover. I cursed, scrambling to the side, dropping my Communicator in my haste. I reached for it and missed, losing the equipment under the blade of the bat'leh. 

" _Three,"_ I heard Nhan yell. 

I sprang up, ducking under the blade's swipe at me before I went for the Klingon's legs, taking them down. Connolly was on us in seconds, striking the Klingon at the armor's weak spot.

"Two," He smiled, pleased with himself before he turned, Phaser raised. Before another shot could be fired, golden light engulfed both Nhan and Connolly disappeared. I stood, stock-still for a moment, waiting for the same to happen to me. 

Only, it didn't. 

_"be'Hom Suq,_ " (get the girl). I reached into my coat, pulling my phaser from my inside pocket. I took a couple of steps back, Phaser raised. 

"Lower your weapon," One growled in a thick voice, taking a step toward me. I took a step back, glancing around. I'd never make it to the door; if I tried to bust through a window, I'd be sucked into space, but maybe that wouldn't be so bad? 

I blinked, hands shaking on my phaser. When I opened my eyes - there was Pike, drawing the blade of a knife out of a Klingon's neck, splattered with their pink blood. The remaining Klingon let out an outraged scream, turning on Pike. I couldn't get a lock on either of them as they struggled with one another. After a moment, Pike's blade fell to the floor. He raised his hands as the Klingon pressed a bat'leh to his neck. 

"Lower your weapon," The Klingon growled again. My eyes darted to Pike; he was watching me closely; I swore I could see the wheels turning in his head. 

I had a choice. 

I could easily take out both Pike _and_ the Klingon, take my chances with what was on board, and disappear into the Nebula. I need never board the Enterprise again.

I hesitated, crouching as I began to lower my phaser to the ground. I tipped the weapon to the ceiling, firing once. As the Klingon looked up, distracted, I fired at the gap in his armor. He dropped to the floor, his clattering weapon falling with him. Pike looked down at his body, then turned to me. I let go of my phaser, holding my hands up in surrender as he walked toward me. His hands came up, and the fear in me expected a slap. I closed my eyes, waiting for a blow. Instead, he cupped my cheeks.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly. I opened my eyes, looking up at him and nodding quickly. 

"Why wasn't I beamed out?" I asked. His jaw clenched. 

"Ryan paid off someone in my transporter room. He's been put in an agonizer, he'll be punished accordingly." I nodded. Pike pulled his Communicator out of his pocket. 

"This is Captain Pike. Two to beam out." 

\--

"So, what are you going to ask for from his ship?" I asked. Christopher glanced back at me, amused by the question. 

I had cleaned up before I settled on our bed, legs folded. Christopher had insisted I take care of myself first, despite the fact that he was the one that had been sprayed in Klingon blood. I knew he'd gone to the transporter room and airlocked the traitor. 

"I haven't thought about it," He said. I eyed the scars that littered his back and shoulders as he sat on the edge of the bed, a PADD in his hands. 

"He's a collector a things. I'm sure he'll have something worth taking on board," I reminded him. Christopher grunted. 

"I already notified him and the Emperor," He told me, "We should be clear of the Pergamum in a couple of days." 

I hesitated before I scooched forward, plastering myself against Christopher's back, resting my forehead against his shoulder. I waited to be pushed back or nudged away. Instead, he reached back, resting one hand on my leg. 

"You saved my life today," He said softly. I lifted my head, resting my chin on his shoulder. 

"We saved each other's," I corrected, "You didn't have to come after me yourself, but you did." Christopher craned his neck to look me in the eye. 

"I didn't want you to think I'd abandoned you," He said quietly. I wrapped my arms around his middle, turning my head and pressing my face into his neck. I felt him set the PADD aside, resting his hand on my arm. 

"Why did you give me a phaser?" I asked, voice muffled against his neck. He huffed a laugh. 

"I wasn't going to send you out there without protection." 

"You trusted me not to use it." 

"...Maybe I'm putting a nail in my coffin by saying this, but I trust _you_ ," He said firmly, "You could've killed me today."

"You could've too. Or had your crew do it." 

  
"Then we're at a pleasant impasse." I hummed in agreement. 

"Are you tired?" he asked. I nodded. 

"Alright. Bed, then," He said, wriggling a little. I let go of him, sliding back and slipping under the covers. Christopher stood, putting the PADD away before he climbed into bed beside me. The lights dimmed, and I closed my eyes. 

Christopher's hand found mine under the covers. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Pike was going to rat me out, it was going to be now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's doing alright with all that's going on 💜
> 
> Not beta-read

“ _An excellent job, Captain._ ”  
  
I kept my eyes lowered, hands behind my back. It was like I was back on the Shenzhou and Mother had come for a visit. Something about her voice just put me back in the worst places.   
  
“Thank you, Emperor. You know it is my honor to serve you, and I sincerely hope I can be of service again,” Pike’s answer was easy, said as if he’d said it a hundred times. And maybe he had - people didn’t make it into my mother’s good graces by doing nothing.   
  
" _I trust that everything aboard is working smoothly. And I do mean everything._ ”   
  
If Pike was going to rat me out, it was going to be now. I wouldn’t put it past him - that talk about trusting me could just be to lull me into a false sense of security--  
  
“I’ve no complaints whatsoever, Emperor.”   
  
“ _I thank you for your service, Captain_.”   
  
“At your command, Emperor.”   
  
I heard the tell-tale thumps of the salute before the transmission winked off. I straightened up, watching Christopher slouch back against the table in his quarters. I walked over to him, unbuttoning the collar of his cowl to help it off of him.   
  
“That went well,” I commented. Christopher grunted, his hands settling on my waist. He’d been touchier lately - that encounter on the Klingon ship seemed to have put me in his good book.   
  
“You don’t think it did?” I asked, glancing up at him.   
  
“As far as I can tell, she isn’t displeased with me,” Christopher commented. I raised a brow.   
  
“You broke up a rebel cell, of course she’s not displeased with you,” I offered. Pike tugged me closer, and I bit my lip.   
  
“I need to be a little farther away to get this thing off of you, Captain.”   
  
“Then it can wait a minute,” He said, holding my gaze.   
  
“And what is it we’re waiting for?” I asked.   
  
“I’m still deciding,” Pike answered.   
  
“ _Incoming transmission from the ISS Saragollas, Captain_.” I turned my head at the sound of Number One’s voice.   
  
“I should--” I moved to fix his cowl, but Pike brushed my hands away.   
  
“It’s alright. Stay,” He said simply.   
  
“What for? To remind Ryan what he lost in this little contest?” I asked. Pike’s eyes darkened, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. I finished doing up Pike’s cowl before I stepped out of his grasp, and out of the way of Pike’s transmission screen.   
  
“Onscreen,” Pike finally said. I could feel his eyes on me still, but I busied myself with the things on his bookshelf.   
  
“Pike,” Ryan greeted.   
  
“Ryan. I don’t usually see you this often,” Pike said coldly.   
  
“You’re sounding awfully upset for someone that won our little bet,” Ryan observed, “And I’m only reaching out to offer you your prize. I did offer to give you anything from my ship, if you’ll recall.”   
  
“Perhaps I already have everything I like.”   
  
“Well, at least honor me with your presence for a meal, and the chance to look over my treasures. I’ve invited Captain Burnham to join us as well.”   
  
I whirled around, unable to help myself. My mouth worked wordlessly as I stared at the man at the screen. I felt Pike’s eyes dart to me before looking back to Ryan.   
  
“Your offer will be considered.”   
  
“If do hope you’ll join us. I’ll send an official invitation over. Until later, Pike. Glory to the empire.”   
  
“Glory to the empire.”   
  
The screen went dark, but not before Marcellus’ eyes flickered in my direction. I lowered myself shakily onto the couch.   
  
“...Will she be there, do you think?”   
  
I could tell Pike was fighting to keep his voice light, almost uninterested.   
  
“I don’t know,“ I said honestly, shaking my head, “I’ve sent her messages since we’ve left the Pergamum, she hasn’t responded to a single one. I can reach out again, with this specifically.”   
  
"And if I choose not to go?”   
  
I hesitated, closing my mouth and lowering my eyes. Pike was well within his rights to refuse.   
  
“He’ll think you have something to hide...Or that you have something you want to protect,” I added.   
  
“And if he’s right?”   
  
I raised my eyes back to his.   
  
“I think we both recall how well I can use a phaser, Captain.”   
  
Pike’s lips quirked before he straightened.   
  
“Reach out to Burnham. I’ll keep an eye out for that invitation.” I watched him trail into ~~our~~ his room. I hesitated before I walked over to the screen, opening a channel. I wrung my hands as I waited for the line to connect.   
  
As soon as I heard it click, I straightened, putting my hands behind my back and lifting my chin.   
  
“Detmer,” I greeted, nodding.   
  
“What is it you want with the Captain?” The navigator asked.   
  
“I need to speak with her on a matter of great importance.”   
  
“The captain is occupied with Captain Lorca at present. I’m under strict instruction not to disturb her,” Detmer relayed. I raised my brow at the use of ‘occupied’.   
  
“...Fine. Have her reach out to me on this frequency as soon as she’s _un_ occupied.”   
  
“Yes ma’am.”   
  
Detmer disappeared from the viewscreen without another word, and I leaned against the table, folding my arms.   
  
"What do you think?”   
  
I didn’t bother to turn to look at Pike.   
  
“I don’t know _what_ to think,” I mumbled.   
  
“Then what’s that wrinkle in your brow, then?” He asked. I cut him my most stern look, but it seemed to only amuse him.   
  
"What do you think?” I asked him.   
  
“I think you best dress in your finest clothing. We’ll be beaming over to the Saragollas in an hour.” I pushed myself off of the table.   
  
“Yes, Captain,” I said quietly, passing him. He stopped me before I could enter the bedroom, a hand on my side.   
  
“If you don’t want to go...” He said quietly. I lowered my eyes. Risking seeing Burnham was worth more to me than this all turning out to be a ploy to get me into Ryan’s clutches.   
  
“An hour, Captain,” I said simply before stepping out of his grasp.


	7. Chapter 7

_“If you wish to be regarded as the best, you must carry yourself like you are the best,” Michael’s words were stern as she pulled my shoulders back. I winced, but straightened, avoiding her gaze in the mirror.  
  
“Mother doesn’t regard me as best and it’s well known,” I pointed out. Michael reached out, tipping my chin up.  
  
“Perhaps Mother is not the be-all end-all of opinion.”  
  
I whirled around, eyeing her, stunned.  
  
“...That is treason, Michael,” I said softly.  
  
“Are you going to tell Mother?” Michael asked, raising a brow. My eyes searched her face. This was a test, it had to be. I hesitated before I shook my head a little. Michael’s lips twitched into what could almost be classified as a pleased smile.  
  
“I always knew I could trust you.” _

\--  
  
“The Captain is waiting.” My ears twitched at the sound of Number One’s voice.  
  
I smoothed my hair back, looking myself over in the mirror again. The dress I’d chosen was one I’d had for years but had seldom had reason to wear. It was a floor-length, a deep purple, with gold corset pieces around the bodice; there was a long slit up to my left knee, offering easy access to the knife I had strapped to my left thigh. I had chosen flat shoes; Michael had always reminded me that they were the safer option on the off-chance I needed to make a quick escape. I had opted for a golden choker as well ( “ _Cowl or collar, you must always cover your neck_.” Wisdom that my mother had bothered to impart when I was young).  
  
I met Number One’s eye in the mirror as she waited for me in the doorway.  
  
“Did the Captain ask you to give me that phaser?” I asked.  
  
“Yes,” She said.  
  
“Did he say what for?” I asked as I turned to her. She stayed stalk-still in the doorway, standing at attention. Her eyes did a sweep of me that was so quick I nearly missed it.  
  
“For safety,” She answered in her clipped tone before taking on, “The Captain is waiting.”  
  
We met him in the transporter room. He was in his dress uniform, the gold on his cowl glinting in the light.  
  
“Have you heard from Captain Burnham?” He asked me as we approached. I shook my head, tight-lipped. I hadn’t gotten a peep from Burnham, from Detmer, from anyone on the Shenzhou. Pike gave a firm nod.  
  
“Let’s go, then.”  
  
I ignored the hand he started to offer me as I stepped up to the transporter pad, sweeping my skirt aside and inadvertently flashing him a peek of my thigh. I watched his face as he stepped up beside me, his eyes dragging from my legs and back to my face.  
  
I arched a knowing brow at him before facing forward. He gave the engineer a nod, and the transporter pad energized moments later.  
  
"Captain Pike, welcome to the Saragollas.”  
  
A kelpien was there to welcome us, one that my mother had gifted Captain Marcellus Ryan after a successful second Klingon campaign.  
  
Pike nodded to the kelpien before he stepped down from the transporter. He held his hand out for me, looking at me expectantly. I couldn’t turn the touch down there and he knew it. But frankly, in this unfamiliar territory, I needed a tether, especially if Michael wouldn’t be there. I took hold of Pike’s hand, letting him help me down from the transporter pad. He slipped his hand from mine to rest it on the small of my back, steering me behind the kelpien.  
  
The Saragollas was an older Imperial ship, the likes of which I’d seen my mother ordered out of service when they’d become a little too broken down. But the Saragollas had been well-preserved by a fanatical Captain with a frightened and devoted crew.  
  
The kelpien stepped to one side, bowing low to us. Pike stopped me, stepping through into the room first. I felt a twinge of annoyance, but I pushed it down, schooling my face into placid expression as I stepped in behind him. The room was of medium size, with a circular table in the middle, a small feast already laid out.  
  
Pike was drifting through the room, fingers skating over the backs over chairs, eyeing the decoration on the walls and the food on the table. He waved me farther inside, having to seemingly deemed to coast ‘clear’. I did as I was bidden, observing as I walked around the table, retracing his steps in reverse. I stopped by a place setting, straightening a fork that was slightly out of place.  
  
I felt Pike come up behind me, resting a hand on my hip.  
  
“Did I tell you that you look beautiful this evening?” He murmured, voice low in my ear. I didn’t answer, and pushed down the shiver that rose up in me.  
  
“I believe you neglected to mention it,” I said simply. I looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps.  
  
“Our host, perhaps?” Pike asked, not bothering to step away from me.  
  
“A logical conclusion,” I retorted. Pike’s huff of a laugh ruffled my hair.  
  
His hand stayed steady on me as Captain Ryan stepped through the door.  
  
It dropped away as Captain Burnham stepped in behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael always told me that she was more concerned with my safety than my ‘feelings’. And she always said feelings like it disgusted her - like it was this mangy thing to be held at arm’s length until it could be properly disposed of, the way our Mother had me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!!
> 
> Not beta-read

It took every bit of restraint I had to not run over to Michael and cling to her like I wanted to.  
  
Such things were not _done_. Even when we were alone it was rare that Michael would indulge me in the affection that I so often found myself craving. At best I would get a hand on my shoulder, a pat on the cheek. If Mother had been particularly harsh to me, then I’d get a hug - light, brief. Michael always told me that she was more concerned with my safety than my ‘feelings’. And she always said _feelings_ like it disgusted her - like it was this mangy thing to be held at arm’s length until it could be properly disposed of, the way our Mother had me.  
  
I stayed in my place, hands folded behind my back as Michael came further into the room. Michael and Marcellus saluted Pike, and he saluted in turn.  
  
“I’m glad to see that you’ve made it safely,” Marcellus greeted. He reached for my hand, taking hold of it and pressing a kiss to the back of it. I arched a brow as he straightened.  
  
"I’m pleased you were able to join us,” He added, eyes drifting to Pike, a smug smile overtaking his lips. I could only imagine the glare Pike and fixed him with.  
  
“Shall we?” Marcellus gestured to the table. I glanced back at Pike as he pulled my chair out for me, giving him a small nod. Before he could settle into one of the chairs closest to me, Marcellus and Michael took them up. Pike stiffly walked around the table, taking the seat that was opposite mine. I bit my tongue, trying to fight my amusement at his disgruntlement.  
  
\--

Dinner went far better than I thought it would. I had anticipated a stony silence, stilted conversation, but Pike, Marcellus, and Michael all loosened up - to a degree. They discussed their greatest battles, teased each other about their losses, toasted the empire. I felt like I was back on my Mother’s ship, at her dinner table, but there was so much less weight on me here.  
  
I could feel Michael casting me looks now and again, silently checking in on me, eyeing my glass when it got too low and gesturing for the kelpien waiting on us to refill it, or to bring me another portion of food. This was how it had been when I was on the Shenzhou - this was what I didn’t have on the Enterprise, and it made me ache.  
  
\--  
  
“You don’t seem unhappy,” Michael commented. I shook my head, sitting on the windowsill and crossing my legs, the slit of my dress revealing a fair amount of thigh. Michael remained standing, and quirked a brow at my attire.  
  
“And you seem to have a better handle on your place than the last time we spoke.”  
  
I swirled the amber liquid around in my glass, glancing over at where Pike and Marcellus were in conversation.  
  
“I’m not sure I’d call it a better handle,” I admitted.  
  
“It’s gotten around that you had a run-in with the Klingons,” Michael commented, “And it got back to Mother that you were instrumental in saving Pike’s life.” I hesitated, glancing at the other two captains again.   
  
“Has it gotten back to Mother that Ryan tried to have me killed?” I asked quietly. Michael’s face darkened and she lowered herself down beside me.  
  
“Who told you that?” She asked lowly.  
  
“Pike. Said Ryan paid someone in his transporter room to ensure I wouldn’t be beamed back to the Enterprise with the rest of the crew.”  
  
I lowered my eyes into my glass, swirling the drink around still.  
  
“You believe him?” Michael asked.  
  
“Yes,” I said.  
  
“You _trust_ him?” She pressed. I did, but I had to pretend to consider it for a moment, lifting my head to look at her.  
  
“... He’s had ample time to send me back to you and Mother. When he realized I was trapped on that ship, he came after me himself.”  
  
Michael leaned back, considering.  
  
“He cares for you,” She surmised. I shrugged.  
  
“Or he was feeling territorial, concerned Ryan may take the opportunity to get me onto the Saragollas to curry favor with Mother. Regardless, he has me in his corner...For the time being. But he told that he trusts me,” I tacked on before I brought my glass up to my lips, taking a sip.  
  
Michael appeared to be considering this in silence, but I could see her staring Marcellus down. When she murmured, “He’ll be punished accordingly,” I knew she wasn’t talking about Pike. She turned her head to look at me again.  
  
“If you had a choice, would you return to the Shenzhou now?” She asked. I frowned. This was not the sort of question that Michael would ask me lightly; this was either a test or an offer. It was possible that she would report back to Mother, and I wasn’t sure I could trust her to fib a little like she used to, especially if news of my ‘exploits’ had gotten back to the Emperor. But if it _was_ an offer, if Michael really would let me simply beam back with her - not even bother sending for my things, she could always get me new ones...  
  
I let me mind and my gaze drift to Pike. He was leaning against the wall beside the display case Marcellus was gesturing toward. I eyed the typically stern set of his brow, watched the tension in his shoulders as he listened to the other captain, and turned away as I felt him turning to look at me. Despite the fact that being closer to Michael would give me a level of comfort, I had grown... Oddly fond of the Enterprise. I knew its decks now as well as I knew the Shenzhou’s; the crew no longer skirted around me like I had some disease or averted their eyes like I was terrifying to look upon.  
  
And Pike.  
  
Though firm and stern with his crew, since our encounter with the Klingons, he’d been softer with me. Willing to speak more openly, not just about goings-on on the ship but about frustrations with crew members. He touched me more easily - a hand on my arm, on my shoulder, my cheek; holding my hand as sleep found both of us; curling around me when we slept. Fear curled in my gut as I shook my head a little.  
  
“No,” I told Michael, “I wouldn’t.”  
  
\--  
  
I trailed behind Pike quietly, hands clasped behind my back as I peered around the trophy room. Ryan had offered Pike one thing from his ship as a reward for taking out the scouting party in the Pergamum, and Pike had yet to choose. I watched as he stepped up to a shelf, scanned its contents, then turned away, uninterested.  
  
He glanced back at me, brow quirked at the distance I kept.  
  
“You’ve been quiet,” he commented.  
  
“Have I?” I asked.  
  
“Markedly.”  
  
I shrugged a shoulder in response, lips twitching into a smile as he scoffed and turned away from me to inspect another shelf.  
  
“... I didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation,” I said after a few moments. Pike frowned at that, turning his attention away from the shelf.  
  
“I wouldn’t say that.”  
  
“I would. Did, in fact,” I countered, coming to a stop beside him. Pike looked over his shoulder and, finding the doorway empty, reached out. He slid a finger along the slit of dress, finger catching the fabric at the apex. He dragged his fingertips up over my thigh, revealing more skin as he touched me. I held perfectly still, eyes on his fingers as I felt my face flushing.  
  
“I’m sure someone that walks around with...” His fingers stopped at the holster on my thigh, “A knife strapped to their thigh would have more than enough to contribute to the conversation. I think you’re afraid of ruining your reputation of being the quiet one, especially with the possibility of Ryan reporting back to the Emperor.”  
  
I held Pike’s gaze for a few moments.  
  
“You mean like you do?” I asked quietly. Pike tipped his head to the side.

“I do not make contact with the Emperor unless she makes it with me first.” I lowered my eyes from his.  
  
“You need to pick something,” I said, stepping around Pike and ignoring cool fabric that settled over my flushed skin as I walked to another shelf.  
  
“I don’t want any of his trinkets,” Pike grunted, following me. “What were you and Captain Burnham discussing?”  
  
I turned around to face Pike, folding my arms across my chest.  
  
“Whether or not I was happy on the Enterprise,” I said. A look of surprise passed over Pike’s face; whatever he’d been expecting, it wasn’t that.  
  
“And what did you say?” He asked after a moment. I rolled my eyes.  
  
“If I had told her I was unhappy, she never would’ve let me leave the room with you. She’d either be giving you an earful or she would’ve beamed me off of the ship with her and back to the Shenzhou. Can we go if you’re not going to pick anything?” I implored, fighting the urge to stomp my foot like a child. Pike didn’t say anything, just held a hand out to me. I took it, expecting him to lead the way out of the room, but instead he pulled me against his chest.  
  
“I felt it before, you know,” He said quietly, before I had a chance to question him, “When you were looking at me.” I felt my flush deepen, and it took everything in me to not look away from him.  
  
"You looked at me, too,” I retorted. Pike shook his head.  
  
“I looked at you all night,” He murmured. I lowered my eyes from his.  
  
“Michael will come looking for us,” I warned softly.  
  
“What’s that matter?” Pike asked.  
  
“We won’t be interrupted on the Enterprise,” I pointed out, peering up at him from under my lashes. Pike’s smile widened to something warm, something sweet that I’d never seen. I surged up, pressing my lips to his softly. Pike’s hand cupped my jaw as I made to lean away, thumb stroking over my cheekbone tenderly.  
  
We broke apart as I heard footsteps approaching, and I pushed at Pike’s chest, taking a couple of steps away from him. Michael appeared in the doorway, brow raised.  
  
“I trust everything is alright?” She asked brusquely. Pike turned to look at me for a response. I glanced between the two of them before I addressed Michael:  
  
“We’re quite alright. The captain is making his selection. We’ll rejoin you shortly.”  
  
Michael gave a firm nod, eyeing Pike once more before disappearing.  
  
“I warned you,” I commented once she had gone. Pike grunted in response. I felt him watch me as I walked over to a shelf lined with books. I scanned the titles before I picked one out. Pike raised a brow, stepping closer and taking the book from me, scanning the title.

“You know it?” He asked.

“No.”

“Then why this?”   
  
“Because I want it,” I said simply, “Indulge me.”  
  
Pike hummed, turning the book over in his hands.  
  
“Something tells me I’ll be doing that a lot.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Queries ceased to have answers - I was simply told, “It is understood."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read  
> Sorry this took so long to post!  
> I hope everyone’s doing alright with all that’s going on 💜
> 
> *Italics indicate scenes set in the past
> 
> Warnings: mentions of past abuse; canon-typical violence

_It is understood_.  
  
That was one of the phrases that had haunted my childhood. When I was younger, still at the age when my mother or Michael would indulge my questions and curiosities, that was the signal that their patience was running thin. Queries ceased to have answers - I was simply told, “ _It is understood_.”  
  
The first time I was ever brought to another Imperial ship, my first formal introduction as my Mother’s _other_ daughter, I was thirteen. I remember it so clearly: there was a woman lingering behind the Captain all night. Not sitting with us at the table during his and my mother’s briefing, or during out meal. When we’d returned to our quarters, I had nattered Michael’s ear off with questions. She was running out of patience by the time I reached the question,  
  
“ _Who was that lady with Primasias all night?_ ”  
  
“ _That was the Captain’s Woman_ ,” She’d told me.  
  
“ _Who was she?_ ”  
  
“ _I just told you--”  
  
“But she was hovering. Why didn’t she sit with us? Or speak?”  
  
“Because it is not done.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because it is not. It is understood.”  
  
_Michael was cutting me a sharp look, one that told me that that was more than enough. Any more questions that I had about what she did, why she had trailed us all evening, would have to wait.  
  
\--  
  
“Where did you go?” Pike’s question was murmured against my hair. I blinked a couple of times, coming out of my reverie and tipping my head toward him questioningly. Pike had come in from the bridge half an hour ago, and found me sitting on the couch by the window, reading the book I’d taken from Ryan’s ship. He’d sat down beside me and gathered me against his chest, tucked neatly under his arm with his head resting against mine as he skimmed through his PADD.  
  
“What do you mean?” I asked softly.  
  
“You haven’t turned a page in about fifteen minutes,” Pike said. I wrinkled my nose. That couldn’t be right.  
  
“Shouldn’t you be focusing on your report?” I muttered, turning the page for emphasis. Pike chuckled, thumb smoothing over my shoulder.  
  
“Your defensiveness tells me I’ve hit the mark,” He teased.  
  
“I was just thinking, is all. I do that every once in a while,” I answered dryly.  
  
“I suspect you do so incredibly often,” Pike retorted. I rolled my eyes, turning my head to get a better look at him.  
  
“You haven’t told me how it was in the bridge today,” I said. He hummed, nudging his nose against my temple.  
  
“I didn’t want to interrupt your reading.”  
  
I closed my book and set it on the cushion beside me before I brought my hands up to settle on Pike’s arm where it was still wrapped around me.  
  
“Tell me,” I pressed.   
  
\--  
  
“ _She offers advice, council if wanted. She is the Captain’s eyes and ears where he cannot have them.”  
  
“Will you have a ‘Woman’ when you’re Captain?” I asked.  
_  
 _“I might,” Michael conceded.  
  
“Will it be expected of you?”  
  
“It is understood.”  
  
\--  
_

“...We should be there soon. It’ll take us a few days to sweep the planet’s surface, ensure there are no rebel encampments,” Pike told me.  
  
“Why would they settle there?” I asked, frowning, “Danov is a Class K planet, they wouldn’t be able to inhabit it without pressure domes. What sort of rebel encampment would have the funds for that?”  
  
Pike reached up, brushing my hair away from my face to get a better look at me.  
  
“Sometimes I forget your the Emperor’s daughter,” he said, “And then you say things like that and I remember.”  
  
It took everything on me to not roll my eyes.  
  
“I learned that from Michael,” I admitted, trailing my fingers over Pike’s sleeve.  
  
Mother had given up on educating me when she’d realized I had no skill for fighting or intrigue. By then it was too late to dispose of me; Michael had become attached. Pike hummed thoughtfully.  
  
“If we do find a rebel encampment, it’ll need to be cleared,” He told me.  
  
“If they do have domes... Will you be able to take them out from the ship, or will you have to break it up from the surface?” I asked. Pike considered this for a moment.  
  
“If there is an encampment, we’ll have to beam down. Their ability to build domes, the expense...The Emperor will want answers.”  
  
\--  
  
“ _Can she leave?”  
_

_“That is up to the Captain.”  
_

_“Do you think she loves him?”  
_

_“...Love has no place in duty, little one. We’ve talked about this.”  
  
“But--”  
  
“It is understood.”  
  
\--_

Pike liked to watch me as I undid he cowl. He always did. Every night, he’d lean against the table in ~~our~~ his quarters, and I’d step between his legs and undo the fastenings. His hands would rest on my waist, like I would be beamed out of there if he didn’t hang on to me.  
  
“What do you look for?” I asked that night.  
  
“What do you mean?” He murmured.  
  
“When you watch me,” I explained, “when I do this. It’s like you’re looking for some change in me.”  
  
I lifted the cowl over Pike’s head and stepped away to set it down on its stand.  
  
“I wonder about you,” Pike said.  
  
“What about me?” I turned back to him, folding my arms across my chest.  
  
“... Why did Michael teach you that?”  
  
I shrugged.  
  
“I asked her about the Danov system once and she told me.”  
  
“What else has she told you?” Pike asked. I smiled.  
  
“She told me many things, Christopher.”  
  
“Well, we have all night,” Pike pointed out, reaching out and drawing me back in, “And tomorrow, and all the days after.”  
  
\--  
  
“ _If you did not act as such, Mother would not have to respond so,” Michael’s tone teetered between soft and scolding even as she bandaged my side. I didn’t answer or meet her eyes as my head hung, wincing as she pressed the edges of the bandages down.  
_

_“I just asked a question,” I muttered defensively, “I ask you questions all the time--” Michael reached up, gripping my chin and turning my head to meet her eyes.  
_

_“I am not Mother,” she hissed, “You know better than to raise your concerns in front of her, let alone in front of her Generals. You bring them to me, and then I to her -- in private. It is understood.”  
  
She let go of my chin and I turned away, biting the inside of my cheek as tears prickled in my eyes. Michael sighed heavily.  
_

_“Be grateful that you were spared the agonizer-- this time,” She grunted, pressing down onto the bandage again, in the same tender spot. My hand came up, pushing Michael’s shoulder roughly as red hot shame and irritation burned through me.  
  
“You do not need to drive the point home. It hurts enough, Michael,” I snapped. Michael watched me, shock plain on her face. I had never acted out against her_ _or laid a hand on her. I looked away, lowering my head again.  
_

 _“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.  
  
“What I do, I do to keep you alive,” Michael said quietly, “You have acted out against the Emperor. Those that do so do not last long. It is understood--”  
  
“I understand.”  
  
\--  
  
_“What happened here?”  
  
Pike’s finger trailed over a small scar on my left side. I shivered under the touch, less at the feeling of his finger on my bare skin and more at the memory. My sleep shirt had ridden up in the night, and I’d awoken to Christopher’s hand warm and heavy on my stomach.  
  
He didn’t hurry out of bed; today he’d stayed, and let his fingers skate over my exposed skin.  
  
“I caught the toe of a boot,” I said quietly.  
  
“A kick did that?” I could hear Pike’s frown.  
  
“Kicks _,”_ I corrected him. I felt a shudder run through me at the remembrance and I gently pushed Pike’s hand away, getting out of bed.  
  
“What happened?” He asked.  
  
“I asked something I shouldn’t have.”  
  
“And that warranted such a punishment?”  
  
“It was understood,” The words fell out of my mouth, flat and hollow. Any pressing Pike might’ve done was stalled by the beeping of his communicator. My hands moved almost mechanically as I leafed through my clothing. I had fallen into that moment in the throne room - the eyes of the onlookers and the click of Mother’s boots; I didn’t hear Pike come up behind me, and his hand coming into my field of vision startled me. I flinched violently away from it, head turning from an expected blow, shoulders drawing up around my ears.  
  
When I loosed a shaky breath, Pike’s hand settled on my shoulders, steadying and warm.  
  
“Where did you just go?” He asked, not unkindly. I shook my head a little.  
  
“You’re needed on the bridge,” I deflected, “I’ll help you dress.”


End file.
